Holding

I know it has been a while. I have received quite a few messages these last few days, people asking if we are ok, how Vega is doing.
I am aware of the responsibility I have, as author of this blog, to keep you informed. I am sorry to keep you all wondering how we are.

The lack of posts is not due to anything in particular. Vega is well and she has now had no hospital admissions since January. Maintenance continues with the same monotonous schlog. It has all become almost comfortable, we are so used to it now. Maybe that is why I haven’t felt like writing for a while- cancer has taken a much minor role in our day to day life. We are used to the medication routine, the occasional hospital visits and weekly blood tests. “It’s fine, she’s fine” is my response to anyone who asks. I have become used to the stress, emotional as well as physical, that is associated with Vega’s condition. Is that even possible?
I often imagine myself as a vessel which holds Vega. I hold her, her illness, I hold the management of her day to day treatment, I hold the tantrums and the pain too, which have become as much part of our routine as getting up in the morning to have breakfast. I hold good things too, the joy of hair or riding a bike or being able to write her own name.

At the beginning of May we went to Disneyland Paris for three days. Vega was granted a wish by Kids Cancer Charity who organised our trip to France for us. It is a huge credit to Vega’s health that we were able to go, last year this would plainly not have been possible. Vega had a special badge that gave her VIP treatment all over the park. I hadn’t seen Vega so happy in a long time. I was reminded of the little girl she was before she got poorly- saw glimpses of that carefree child she once was for the first time since she was diagnosed. We all had a great time, I dare say we felt almost normal for a few days. I am so very humbled by the generosity of the charity, to make this family break happen for us.

And so, as I think of myself as a vessel to hold Vega, to create a space for her to heal, I also find myself being held. By my family, friends, occasionally nurses or doctors, and even by a charity who strives to give families like us some respite. And maybe that is why I can call the current moment comfortable. And I really feel like we are all going to be fine.

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4 thoughts on “Holding

  1. so happy to read and hear that you,vega and the rest of the family are alright! hope we can visit/meet up soon. lota of love to all of you guys! xxx

  2. aah so happy to know Paris was a huge treat for you all – way to go that charity! fab pics – boy is that hair coming on well (hopefully it will remain straight but maybe Vega wont mind if it curls for a bit)

    plod plod, schlep schlep your way through the now routine. you know when i sprained my foot 2 weeks ago and had 36 hrs of being back in a wheelchair n coming downstairs on my butt again i wondered – how the frig did i do that for all those months?? how is it that a cancer care regime can almost be incorporated into something akin to a normal (is there such a thing?) life – but yep we know it can.

    i thought of you last week when i had my last treatment – thinking one day Kathi wont have to hear that bloody beep noise again!!!! so hoping that Vega goes from strength to strength and hey she’ll be writing soon so can type a post hear for you n give you a rest!1

    love to you always and oodles of Disney hugs to you all. really appreciate the update

    see you soon, love sue xxxxxxx

  3. How absolutely fabulous to hear that you are all okay and that you had such a great time at Disneyland Paris! A charity like that is just amazing! One of Lauren’s school friend’s had a liver transplant almost 2 years ago and last year a charity granted her wish to go to Disney world in Florida, Like you they had a great time and were given a special badge which is just great.Until my friend from school told me about those badges etc, I had never even noticed them, but on our last trip to Florida I saw a few families wearing them, and made me much more aware that all might look alright on the outside, but serious things are clearly going on on the inside.The pictures look great and her hair is so thick now! Wonderful!! Thinking of you often and always hoping for good news x x x

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