Ok, so we had a couple of shitty days. These involved Vega being in hospital again (chest infection) and some drunk slashing a tyre on our car mere hours before I had to drive to the Marsden. Also notable were some strep infections knocking about the house and in general some vomit and crap to round it all up. Hey Ho it is December.
I felt pretty sorry for ourselves again. As I type Vega is lying on the sofa with sunken eyes, sleeping off her most recent dose off Vincristine. Maintenance cycle 6 started on Monday and although she is still recovering from her chest infection everything went ahead. She has been off her daily chemo quite a lot these last few weeks, due to general unwellness and some minor infections resulting in very low blood counts. But being off the meds for too long is not good. Everyone gets slightly iffy when the daily dose of poison is withheld and so based on bloods and no temperature yesterday, Vega was cleared to carry on.
But that is not what I wanted to write about. I have recently blogged about Vega’s weight and how I saw a picture of a little girl who looked so much like Vega. Short hair, red cheeks, swollen face and a cheeky little smile. I almost sent the mother a picture of Vega, their likeness was so striking to me. It reminded me how much the treatment has changed Vega’s appearance and in a way that comforted me. That underneath all this she might still be Vega, and hence could become ‘Vega’ again when all this stops.
On Monday I found out that this little girl has passed away on the weekend. I don’t know the family, or the circumstances of her death, other than that she has been poorly for a while. She had Leukemia like Vega.
I feel so terribly sad for the little girl and for her family and friends. I have thought of her and them many times this week and cried many tears.
It is things like this that put our situation into perspective. Even when days are difficult and shitty, I want to be able to be grateful. I don’t think this comes easy, or natural. I think gratefulness is a hard earned skill. It is about making peace with oneself and ones circumstances. It is about acknowledging the little things, and about cherishing them without the greed for more.
It is also about giving- not a giving that one has to do but a selfless giving, because one CAN.
I have decided to give this year. I will give my time and my love. To show my gratefulness about things big and small. I will be kind and helpful and I am sure I will be rewarded with help and kindness in return. I will create good karma and pass it on.
I know Christmas is expensive. Everyone is asking for money, charities are pushing their Christmas appeals. But if you have some money left and want to give it to a cause that matters, then I can highly recommend these charities as they have mattered so very much to us this year.