Remember last year? I posted this photo blog about our first year with cancer. Well here we are again, another year has passed and somehow that is quite unbelievable. Two freaking years.
I was thinking of doing a photo blog again but I have regularly added pictures this year so you have seen most of the notable ones. Whereas last year we had lots of pictures of Vega in hospital, or at least with tubes sticking out of her, looking through my library this year we have very few of those. This year, we have many pictures of Vega eating or Vega sleeping. The year has been full of repetition, weight issues and tiredness.
Second Cancerversary feels very different to the first. I feel like a veteran today, bearing the weight of the last two years, but also the heritage of experience and the knowledge and calm that comes with it. Long gone are the days that our day to day cancer journey is freaking me out. Instead I have forgotten how it was before all this.
But this year will be different. Whereas last year I was faced with a year of Maintenance, this year will see an end to all this. Vega is going off treatment at the end of May. I can’t deny that I am scared. I can feel my anxiety growing each time I give Vega her chemo, each time we tick off one more week of steroids. I am worried about it coming back, now, tomorrow, next month, next year, or in three years.
Vega’s body is suffering more and more from the treatment and each time she has her chemo the side effects are worse and take longer to fade. She seems to be at the end of her reserves, if there even is such a thing. She is complaining about pain, everywhere, her legs, hips, arms, hands, neck… She sleeps a lot and whines. She is shy and withdrawn and her legs are weak so she is limping again and falling a lot. She truly has had enough. I am being told all this is normal. The treatment for Leukaemia is long and children do deteriorate throughout.
Just a little while longer, little bear.
I am thinking about our other little cancer friends, especially the boys- Hi Max, Dorian and also Ewan and Fraser, who we have never met, but all the same they share this journey with us. Boys are being treated a year longer than girls and I think of you all so often. I don’t have the right to complain really.
Vega is on steroids this week, hence my glum disposition I presume. (Also the rain- what is it with the rain?) But the last year has not been all bad. As a matter of fact I dare say it was so much better than our first year with the big C.
So here is to our second cancerversary, to a new year, to endings and beginnings, to strength and recovery.
And because photos are nice, here are a few.