Hello- I am back. I haven’t blogged for such a long time and having left you hanging a day before Ray’s fundraising cycle ended too!
Sorry. I have abandoned any association with my identity as a Oncology mother and spent the last three weeks trying out what it feels like to pretend the last two years haven’t happened. I have been more or less successful, some days more and some days less. Our youngest, Alys has started nursery and in what could only be described as a moment of madness I decided I had to go back to work right there and then. I had no real work to return to though so I took a retail job, why I don’t know. I felt needy to be validated, I wanted to earn some money and needed a low commitment job, just in case everything goes pear shaped. So I guess that counts as why?
But Tuesday was a Marsden day and I had to be that mum again. I *think* Tuesdays are for long term follow ups, because all the kids looked pretty well and had plenty of hair with no signs of chemo poisoning. The appointment went fine- our consultant asks me how Vega is doing, I say fine (I guess) and that is it. Next appointment is at Kings in six weeks time, we won’t be back at the Marsden for 12 weeks. Vega is now four months off treatment.
Vega is fine, at least most of the time. Nothing worth mentioning to our consultant, but I see daily how easily she gets tired, that she is still limping a bit, that she can’t skip, remains to have weird eating habits and has problems with her skin- acne, dry skin, cradle cap, that kind of thing. She is having trouble in school holding a pen for a long time, now that she is in year 1 and is expected to do more writing. The occasional tummy ache, but other than that, all is ok. A month has passed since the summer holidays ended and Vega has not missed a day of school yet- flipping amazing!
As you probably have guessed, Ray has completed his cycle. He has raised a whopping £3,209.86- thanks to all of your generosity! He is so thrilled with the result and did enjoy the ride too- no lasting damage has been done and all his bits are ok. Thank you all so much for donating and sending messages of support. You are a fantastic bunch of people and have made the last few years bearable.
This all sounds like closure, mhmm? I think I was looking for it, longing for it. Hence my abandonment of the blog, my swift return to work, to something that is normal to most people. But I realized I am not the same. As much as Leukaemia had a go at Vega’s marrow, it has also eaten away at my bones. Even without the chemo, I have also been poisoned for the last years, by worry, and fear and sadness. And like Vega, I feel I have come out on the other side, a little worse for wear, with a slight limp and a lingering tiredness. But Vega is getting better, a little every day. And why shouldn’t that happen to me too?