Winter solstice

Today, honouring the darkness and welcoming back the light.

Our days have become lighter and lighter these last few months. Vega has surpassed her six months off treatment at the end of November and from an oncology point of view that hugely increases her chances to remain in remission. Our open access to Kings has been revoked, meaning that from now on Vega has to see her GP, like any other child, if she gets ill.

She had her Echo cardiogram to check heart function after receiving Doxorubicin during one of her Intensification cycles. The Sonographer asked me all kinds of questions during the Echo- it made me suspicious. A few days after we got a letter with an appointment for a Cardiologist. The appointment is in April 2015, so whatever it is, it is not urgent. I have become very good these last months to just not think about things. We have one of our follow up appointments at the Marsden before the end of this year, I might get some results from our consultant then.                                                                                   Vega has stomach pains almost every day and sometimes they are so bad she is not eating. After being discharged from the Gastroenterology team earlier this year, they have just added us back to the caseload and we will see them in January for review. She still spends the majority of her after school afternoons on the couch or in bed, maybe because of the pain or maybe she is just really tired. Otherwise she is fine. She is happy and seeing her on the street you would never be able to tell she ever had cancer.

Today’s winter solstice has inspired me to recount some of our darkness of these last years, and to let it go as we are celebrating our first Christmas and Vega’s birthday since the end of treatment. Tonight, I am filled with gratefulness and positivity and love.        What better night to honour the miracle of life?


Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

“Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening” by Robert Frost

2 thoughts on “Winter solstice

  1. Dear Kathi, what a beautiful piece. You made me cry early this morning. As always, I read and am very moved by what you write. I think this diary of yours will be so important in years to come–and I’m sure it’s so important now. I wish you all the best–to your girls & to Ray too–for a wonderful, peaceful Christmas. I hope we can meet sometime in 2015, it upsets me that in London it’s so easy to fall into a rut when we do not see people in person, but I will be happy to come down with L. one day & visit you for a cup of tea & see your lovely girls.

    My best wishes for the holiday season,


  2. Aaaah Robert frost – what a guy!! Yes the miracle of life and despite the tummy bugs I am celebrating with you. Pretty much 3 years for me since my transplant, so nearly my 3 yr anniversary of remission.

    I have always felt our stories, though different, have intertwined and I am in awe of all you and Vega and the family have lived through. So raising a glass this Yuletide to you all, to a thriving, loving life and days of miracles.

    love to you all
    sue xxxxxxxxx


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