The problem with winter…

Opportunity center

…is the lurgies. Again. We are back in the hospital, a mere 11 days since we last escaped. We are on night three after Vega had a fever again on Wednesday.

Her bloods on Monday revealed really high white counts, usually her WBC is around 1-2, remember? Well Monday it was 14.8. It has not been this high since beginning of treatment and it gave me a bit of a fright. Low white blood cells are not good, because neutropenia means vulnerability. High white blood cell counts indicate that the body is trying to fight something, so also not ideal. When the fever came on Wednesday we had expected it somewhat anyway.

Vega is feeling good, she is not acting poorly, a bit of a cough and snotty nose but otherwise fine. We just have to sit and wait for all the cultures and if they come back clear we can go.

It sounds simple. In reality it is time wasting, boring, and utterly frustrating. We are missing things. School, Christmas singing, Christmas parties, opportunities to live life as if we didn’t have to do this. It is almost as if the moment you relax, make plans, feel safe- kapow! Hey you, did you forget? You are dealing with this. You can’t go around pretending life goes on! Maybe a few days in solitary will remind you, here you go, cubicle 11. Oh and sorry the DVD player is broken and so is the parent bed.

I must add that I haven’t given up on my gratefulness. We are in hospital but Vega is well and I am not worried. The ward is full with little babies with respiratory stuff, it’s the season for it. Those poor little beans are feeling rubbish and are crying all day and night while I play snakes and ladders with Vega. I am grateful it is not us this time.

I am sitting in the dark, typing and have decided the only way to deal with this uncertainty that has become our daily life is to adapt the motto of carpe diem. I have to cease every opportunity I get. If I can do something right now, I shall do it- you never know what tomorrow will bring. Somehow this thought fills me with energy, endurance. Makes me feel proactive and less victimised by this illness of my child. For now I am ceasing the opportunity to eat all of Vega’s remaining crisps and biscuits as my dinner, and thus preventing her from getting any chubbier in the morning. Carpe diem, hell yeah.