You all must have guessed that we have long left the hospital. Vega was fine and after four days we made our escape.
I am finding myself writing less and less, partly because of practical reasons, like no computer time, and partly because I feel I have nothing to write about. I have used this blog now for over a year to write about me, Vega, all of us and our journey through this mess. I have never longed to be comforted or praised, not even understood but merely heard. For that, the blog became invaluable.
I also found that the blog served another purpose- it keeps our families and friends informed and I guess in a way it answers questions that might be too difficult to talk about face to face.
I have become tired of talking about Vega’s illness. I am repeating myself so often, to all the Doctors and Health Professionals that we meet on so many occasions. I hear myself repeating the same medical history over and over, the medications. Those are such empty words, so removed from the reality, from our hardships and our triumphs. It has been such a long time! We have been doing this for such a long time.
I don’t want to bore you. As this is not my private diary, but a public blog, I do feel a responsibility to write something worth reading. And even if this has been going on and on, I think I have a responsibility to Vega to continue to document this crazy ride of hers.
But some days it just bores me. The stress, the worry, it is boring. Talking about it, thinking about it is tedious. I do not escape it by not writing about it. But after a whole day of dealing with it, I don’t want to write about it after everyone has gone to bed. This stuff needs to be put to bed sometimes too.
bor·ing (bôrng, br-)
Uninteresting and tiresome; dull.
Synonyms: boring, monotonous, tedious, irksome, tiresome, humdrum
These adjectives refer to what is so uninteresting as to cause mental weariness. Boring implies feelings of listlessness and discontent: I had never read such a boring book.
What is monotonous bores because of lack of variety: “There is nothing so desperately monotonous as the sea” (James Russell Lowell).
Tedious suggests dull slowness or long-windedness: Traveling by plane avoids spending tedious days on the train.
Irksome describes what is demanding of time and effort and yet is dull and often unrewarding: “I know and feel what an irksome task the writing of long letters is” (Edmund Burke).
Something tiresome fatigues because it seems to be interminable or to be marked by unremitting sameness: “What a tiresome being is a man who is fond of talking” (Benjamin Jowett).
Humdrum refers to what is commonplace, trivial, or unexcitingly routine: My quiet cousin led a humdrum existence.